I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
