You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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