you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were trust falling into bushes
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
