Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
