You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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