Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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