oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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