Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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