I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
