She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
