it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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