Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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