apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
