I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
