Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
