I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
