the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
