I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
