Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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