don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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