Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
