if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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