i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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