u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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