I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
