I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
