i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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