the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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