There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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