another moral hangover. fuck.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
