Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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