i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i permit you to call me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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