I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
