How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
