She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
