I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
