Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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