apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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