Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
