My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
