all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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