I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
