i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
