Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
