with your own penis?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
