Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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