the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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