You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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