And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
