Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
