Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
