I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
