it hurts more in the daytime
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
